The book of Raxworthy

Chapter 19

“Time for a new plan”, mused Darren Raxworthy.  His last effort at distributing the most widely published book in the World had met a fairly dismal and dissapointing failure.  You'll know all about it, if you read chapter eighteen.  As he spoke, the person in question closed the door of the small office, walked towards the desk, and, pulling up a chair, he turned it round and sat on it backwards, leaning his elbows on the top of the chair.  Lionel Raxworthy, his brother, sitting on the penguin shaped bean-bag offered a thoughtful grunt, and continued with his game of expert minesweeper, waiting for his computer.  He was downloading the latest version of Linux, Linux Operla, and even though he had a 50mb connection, it would take another good half hour.  Lionel was the kind of guy who loathed even to use the word Microsoft.  Linux and anti-Microsoft posters smothered the small patch of wall that Lionel had  claimed when they moved into the office.

“Yes, we've just got to get something more plausible, stable, less problematic up on it's feet.  It's got to be...”  Darren stroked his chin and quickly massaged his left shoulder.  “It's got to be, self sustaining...  ...What do you reckon Li?”.  “Li” pulled one earphone out and winced.  Without needing to look to closely, you could see that his left eye was pretty badly bloodshot, without a doubt due to the excessive amount of time he spent on his computer.  “Sorry, what were you saying?”.  Darren groaned, “Look, stop listening to music.  We've got to get serious here...  The Bibles are not getting through.  That's all there is to it.  It's not working.”.  Lionel rubbed his forhead and grunted in assent.  “I know”, he said with feeling.  “Yeah, and we lost the cricket.  You heard?”.  Darren's knees weakened.  “I only just got in”, he sighed.  “That's the last thing I wanted to...”

“Got it!”  “Got what?”, asked a perplexed Lionel.  “We lost the cricket, I said.  We lost...  The Aussies absolutely thrashed us.”  “That's great!” yelled Darren.  “You've given me the idea we need”.  Darren, vaulting over his chair ran round behind the desk, thumped the huge 21” Samsung CRT on the top, causing the screen to give the usual flicker and then go blank.  Darren didn't want Lionel distracted while he talked.  “Doh!”  Lionel felt the blow.  He cringed, and felt a deep sympathy for the monitor.  Lionel's mates, Darren especially got a certain satisfaction from whacking Lionel's monitor.  More often than not, when they came into the office, the monitor would be emitting a hyper-sonic pitched whistle that threatened to deafen you if it went on any longer.  Lionel would be seen sitting there, oblivious to the evil sound, either engrossed in updating a database or website, or “just finishing” yet another game of minesweeper.  “Okay, okay, sorry”, Darren was apologetic.  “I just forgot, sorry.”  

Again, Lionel gave his patented grunt.  “Okay, here's what we've got...”  Darren snatched Lionel's silver 21'st pen and scribbled absent mindedly on last year's financial report, which was face down on the desk.  Lionel ignored it, and instead concentrated on making sure his face looked serious and attentive.  “You know how we've tried dropping Bibles out of planes?  It's absolutely hopeless, they smash to pieces when they hit the ground.  You know, we've tried all kinds of protective wrapping, but it doesn't work.”  Darren took a quick breath.  “It's too expensive to keep trying different packaging all the time, planes cost too much to keep up in the air...”.  

“Yes, I know”, Lionel contributed, “We can only drop one Bible in each package, too, other wise the packages get too big, and they'll get picked up on the radar.”  Darren grinned: “Yes, so that's why we're going to get some guys in to actually catch the Bibles.  Cricket players, I think – you gave me the idea just before – and, rugby players, they might have what it takes.  It won't be flippin easy, catching a very flippin quick Bible, falling out of the sky.”  “Yeah, it's a sword, too, remember”, added Lionel, “so they'll want to catch it the right way.”  “Good point” laughed Darren.  “Yep, they will have to be careful.  Careful not to break their fingers, not to drop them, and, when they catch 'm, they'll have to get them at the right angle...”  “Hang on”.  Lionel had a look of pure disbelief on his face.  “No way, there's no way, no way we can pull this off!...  They'll be going to fast.  It's crazy.”  “Why?”, asked Darren, “We can have a field full of good fielders and some rugby guys...  Yes, it may take a bit of practice...”  Lionel snorted.  “Oh, that is, unless you're thinking of something else”, Darren finished.  

“We've got to try everything.  We can't just chuck away a plan because it sounds outrageous.  These people are desperate for Bibles.”  Lionel had a more positive look on his face: “Hmmm, well, I suppose.  Yeah, lots of them copy them in handwriting, but it's far to slow...  God gave us the printing press, and we should use it...  They can't...”  “Great”.  Darren's grin had lessened during the discussion, and though it had a slightly skeptical twist now, it was still a grin.  

“We can do this...  Okay, Li.  Check out your address book.  Email anyone the guys over there.  Tell them to start a rugby club, a cricket club.  Uhhhmmm, yes.  Tell them that I want all the guys between 17 and 30 to get involved.  Explain the new idea.”  Li grasped the top of his solid oak desk and pulled himself to his feet.  In the same move, he kicked the bean-bag into the corner behind him with his left foot, and hooking his quality  three way adjustable leather office chair with his right foot, and sitting down heavily on it.

Nodding, and musing over the new idea, Darren started walking backwards towards the door, slowly turning as he walked, opening the door and heading to his office.  “Blimmin never shuts the door”, Lionel muttered to himself.  It's freezing out there.